Thanks for the Memories

August 16, 2007

I didn’t mean to, but i just DID. T.T

 

(if the PAST scares you, I’m telling you NOT to click the link to read the rest of the entry.)

Geez, stupid old me. Why did I even click the link?! I really didn’t know that it was him since he didn’t use his real name, so yeah, i got curious on who the heck will message me in friendster. ( when i don’t even use it anymore…literally )

 

I saw HIS Friendster profile a while ago after THREE FREAKING LONG YEARS. Now, i can’t even study properly for our chem exam tomorrow. Geez.

 

Gahd, when i saw his pictures again, i really really felt WEIRD. It’s kind of stupid that Im feeling ‘something’ after a long time that i haven’t even seen him, talked with him or any kind of communication at all.

 

Along with my stupidity with the said event, i could even shot myself in the head for feeling “JEALOUS”. Yes, i felt freaking jealous, when i saw another girl beside him. Wicked. Why do i even feel this way???

 

 

 

Is it because I’m shocked ( in every sense of the word )?

 

 

Is it because I missed him and i just realized it just now?

 

 

 

 

 

or is it because I love him still?…..

 

 

 

 

 

He was my FIRST….officially and literally. It was the happiest and also the one that caused me to be the way that i am now:

 

 

A walking empty vessel who has forgotten how to express her emotions

 

 

 

You see, i LOVED him …..So much to the point that i forgot to love myself first. I was all out for him… i gave 100% of everything that i could ever give. He was my sole inspiration back then.

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

 

Oh yes, Why did it end?

 

 

Now that i think about it again, I can’t even pinpoint the exact reason why. I didn’t even explain it to him very clearly. Stupid.

 

 

Anyway, I could only blame myself for everything. There are a lot of reasons:

 

1) I got jealous of a girl i haven’t even seen or know personally. The mere mention of her name back then was poison to me. I knew she was a friend of his, but i was overly possessive. I never wanted any girl ( friend or whatever ) to be linked with him.

 

Stupid….childish….

 

 

2) “Tsunami” occurred. ’nuff said 😉

 

 

3) I got tired. I was always the one sacrificing for us. Always me. At first i think it was the “compromise” thing that everyone was talking about, but then as time went by, i noticed that i was, most of the time, the one sacrificing.

Geez…..so probably, that’s the reason why I’m so full of pride now….to make-up for the loss of it.

 

 

Lastly, ( and the stupidest of them all, i think )

 

4) I listened to other people and didn’t trust him.

 

As days, months and years went by after “the end”, i just realized…. HE WAS TRUE. He was real to me.

 

But i was just fifteen….merely fifteen. How could I ever comprehend that complicated an issue?

 

 

Whether i like it or not, he will always be special. Special in a very personal way.

 

 

 

So much for a First Love, eh? And then we thought back then that it was “sweet sugary and happily ever after…”

 

 

 

 

 

…Nah. 😉

 

 

 

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7 Responses to “Thanks for the Memories”

  1. Albeen Says:

    wrong spelling ka ito dapat spelling niyan eh.. “THNKS FR TH MMRS” tsk. 😛

  2. Patsee Says:

    ahhaha epi test ako dapat pero nag end up im reading this 🙂 hm… ara >:D< ok lng yan . dame dame e. im sure ul get that feeling again, it might not be the first (kasi meron na nga first.. labo sabog n ako ), but screw that. love is still love 🙂 ur prince is out there , u just have to learn to let him in ayt 🙂 mwahhhhh hapi bdayyy (this sunday) :))

  3. Patsee Says:

    nagcoment ako ng mahaba! d k lam if na send ko… automatic show ba to ng comentsss? ahahhaha!

  4. Nika Says:

    Hay, Pagong. I know the feeling. My experience was very, very bad as well… and it’s somehow fresh. Pero maybe you don’t love him but you just miss his company. You know… the old times, blah, blah, blah. Maybe it’s just nostalgia. 🙂

  5. maia Says:

    ara! ngayon ko lang toh nabasa… patsee’s right. love is still love. 🙂 at least you learned from your past relationship dba? para the next time you do enter a relationship, you know na what to do and not to do. 🙂

    young love: bittersweet.

    we’ll find the one, i just know it. maybe not now but we will. 🙂

    hug. mwah! :*

  6. Sumire Says:

    forget love. you have a world to save. hehe.

  7. rands Says:

    hehe. now ko lang ito nabasa sapagkat wala kong magawa sa RSF.

    i know how you felt. 🙂

    thanks nga pala for listening everytime i ranted before. hahaha. when i think about it, it seemed so pathetic… but it’s all part of it (as much as i hate to admit). *hug*


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