Will somebody kill me?

January 11, 2005

What a lousy day…It first started when our principal made the seniors stay behind after the flag ceremony for some reason. She said that the sounds of the heels are making her irritated. ( what can we do?! we are not used to these!!) She made us wear heels so that we can grow up as “sophisticated ladies” ( just thinking of it makes me shiver already! I aint no lady!! I’m totally “gay” ( for those who are suffering from identity crisis like me, should know what i mean and will not take it literally..) We were relieved when she stopped talking..then our principal made us walk the whole 2nd floor…one-by-one!! So that she can see those who can’t walk properly with their heels…damn..goodthing that i can still walk properly even though i despise wearing them and those stupid balck foot socks!!Then it was followed by endless seatworks and tons of assignments…how can this day be more frustrating?! Now i’m already dreading to graduate because i still have to endure that very “nice” subject…RESEARCH!!! After that..i still have that “defense”…shoot..how can i survive this?! i looked “wasted” earlier ( the way i have always been anyway…) because i have a lot of problems that i still have to settle. Problems do have their way on crawling behind me and tapping me at the back telling me to give up…You know what… i just realized that a commitment is very hard to handle..even though you think that the both of you will be happy forever…It’s no use fighting the circumstances that might go your way because it will just make it worst…and it will bring a lot of suffering on both parties…why is the heart so dumb?!!..

anyway..my ACET exam will be this sunday..and right about now..i’m already getting goosebumps…*makes the sign of the cross*…i think this will be the end of my rantings because i still have piles of homework to do and lot of problems to solve….

*edit* …I just did it a while ago…i didn’t know that doing that, will make me feel worse than the time when i was just thinking about doing it…can’t relate..i just broke up with…well…you all know who it is…The sad thing is..i didn’t explain it to him in detail so i know that he feels bad about it too. Like you were left there hanging and you don’t know why…i didn’t explain it to him because i simply don’t know how to explain to him..i just told him that…our situation has become so hard to bear that i just have to give up to avoid anymore problems…Is that reason enough?..i think not but still i did it…loathe me if you want….its ok…i’ll accept it…i just feel so bad that i, (again!) made someones life miserable by a simple phone call…damn it!! i really have to see a psychologist because my emotions are already stirring up again into a total blackhole of “coldheartedness”…But i hope this is not THE end…but a START of something better…

I just feel like posting this…

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off.
It’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another.
It’s to make the most of myself.
To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle,
arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.
To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings
and correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To “let go” is to fear less and to love more…


One Response to “Will somebody kill me?”

  1. well you know who.. Says:

    … i just want to say thank you

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